The Big Four: A Simple Approach To Success

To possess a black belt in Jiu Jitsu is a triumph. To possess multiple black belts in life is a necessity.

This is for several reasons, and the most obvious, is practicality.

The quality of our lives tends to mirror the quality of the worst part of our lives. We do not experience life proportionate to our greatest triumph, but rather, commensurate with our greatest despair.

If any of these areas is suffering, our experience is suffering. We would be wise, then, to play defense by going on offense.

The Big Four

We must become a blackbelt in many disciplines. I’ve boiled it down to what I call the Big Four. For most of us, these are the primary areas of life that deserve most of our attention:

Health: Your physical capacity, energy, and experience being inside your body
Tribe: The relationships that are most important to you
Work: What you do to provide for yourself and others
Passion: Individual interests, what you do for your soul

When we excel in these four areas of life, we tend to have an incredible experience of being alive.

Further Clarification

We all possess these four facets of life, and they look different for each of us. While the primary relationship of a mother may be her kids, a single man might find his tribe amongst his friends or Jiu Jitsu academy. The work you do may be your profession, while the work of a stay-at-home mom is to ensure the familial ship is heading in the right direction. Everyone works – just the settings change. My passion is nature, yours may be cars. The forms change but the needs remain.

These needs, regardless of how they manifest in one’s life, must be satisfied.

The Power and Necessity of The Generalist

We are each tasked to grow and steward our Big Four. When we do, life becomes an incredible triumph.

When the mindset of Kaizen – pursuing constant and never-ending improvement – is infused into our health, relationship, work, and our passions, we experience deeply meaningful growth. A rising tide does lift all ships: well-rounded growth across the Big Four increases general wellness and satisfaction while decreasing suffering.

We must become a Generalist.

Widely different skills are required to find success in The Big Four. What makes you successful in your work may not be what makes you successful at home. In fact, the traits that lead to success in one’s profession – say, putting on blinders and pushing through unfeeling toward a goal – may become an impediment to your relationships at home.

The Generalist has as sensitivity to the differing skills required in each domain, and through a slow build of wide-ranging skillsets, becomes capable of success in many forms.

The Call To Adventure

“I have learned this at least by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” – Henry David Thoreau

Endeavors to live the life which he has imagined.

The life I imagined in my twenties is no longer what I envision in my late thirties. Unidimensional success at the cost of everything else would be a catastrophe, not a triumph. Now I imagine broad success:

Being a great husband.
Being a great father.
Being a great son and friend.
Being an athlete for life.
Being independent for life.
Being effective in business.
Being financially secure.
Being a consistent writer.
Being a consistent observer of nature.

The great challenge and opportunity of my life is to properly satisfy these domains, to achieve the well-rounded success that my Big Four requires. In “The Psychology of Money”, Morgan Housel highlights the value of getting clear on one’s personal scoreboard:

“At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have … enough.”

Enough. Ever elusive. Found by few. I think for most of us, “enough” is a thriving Big Four. Great Health. Meaningful Relationships. Productive Work. Meaningful Passions.

That’s plenty. That’s enough. That is the challenge and opportunity of a lifetime. I wish you broad success across your Big Four.

You deserve it, and it’s possible.

P.S.

I'm giving a free online workshop on transforming the Big Four this Wednesday, January 24 at 7:00pm ET. I'd love to see you there. You can register here.